Give Yourself Permission!

If 2023’s lesson for me was “agency,” 2024’s is to give myself permission. I invite you to do the same! ✨

It’s been a decade since I moved to Japan to become an "idol." In 2015, I was a recent high school graduate with no experience living outside my small Michigan hometown — let alone in Japan. Yet, obsessed with Japanese pop idol culture, I had decided years earlier to become an idol. At the time, a small online community of Western girls filmed themselves doing dance covers of Japanese music. We were odorite and aspiring idols. Although a few groups produced their own music, calling yourself an idol was considered a faux pas. Which, in hindsight, isn’t all that surprising.

After all, we were dorky teens not in Japan, playing make-believe. Who were we to declare ourselves "idols"?

Call it the folly of youth or sheer delusion, but I allowed myself to claim the title of idol. Not “aspiring idol” — an idol. I kept an “idol” blog, produced my own photobook, and performed at local chiptune shows. After a few years, everything seemed to fall into place. At 17, a small Japanese talent agency offered me a contract. Fake it till you make it, right? Well, it worked.

But when I arrived in Tokyo, I hit a wall. Now what? I thought. I attended weekly auditions, but with every rejection, I took it as proof that I shouldn’t be creating at all. Instead of continuing to produce music, content, and performances like I had in Michigan, I let the rejection paralyze me. I had been seeking validation, and when it didn’t come, I stopped permitting myself to create.

Externalized permission is an alluring trap. Validation feels good — a shiny stamp saying, “I’ve made it,” and “I’m worthy of doing what I love.”

But one of the most important lessons I’ve learned — for myself and all of you reading this — is that you don’t need external permission to take action or create opportunities for yourself.

In addition to having a strong community, creation is just as essential for living a happy, thriving life.

If you want to pivot careers, permit yourself to learn the necessary skills and start doing the work of your dream job today. If you’ve always wanted to travel but can’t find a friend to go with, permit yourself to go alone. Life is too short to rely on others to permit yourself to live it.