"Bart Simpson in a woman's body" is the best visual, and I know exactly what you mean.
My friend and I talked about Shrinking before, but we described it as 'feeding the tigers'; you have to give them some offering of self-deprecation and keep their insecurities fed so they won't eat you alive.
Gods, I relate to the Shrinking so much. For me, it's never shown up in femininity presentation - I mean, somewhat obviously, since I only really could /engage/ with it in the last decade and all, what with trans-ness - but I've always had other places I was - well, exceptional is a good word for it, indeed.
And you learn to hide that, because people don't like it, and it sucks.
But I /also/ relate to 2), since when I -did- transition, that was kind of when I decided I was done shrinking. And yea, it means a lot of people get ruffled feathers by me, but I let that wash off my back. I want to find my people, and that means sometimes finding people who aren't my people. That's okay.
That said - I do get the party comment, cause if we weren't already friends I could see myself thinking the same until we get to talking - but I think that too is because you learn that dress style often correlates with personality. The language I am used to being expressed in that more upscale style reminds me of like, the middle-upper class culture I grew up in, that in some ways the tech dressing down I feel is a rebellion against.
Like, oh - I think of it like the difference between New York & SF. New York is the land of finance and suits, high pressure Serious People (or at least it presents itself that way), while SF is the land of the scruffy nonconformist who is rough around the edges, but well-meaning and clever. Steampunk to New York's more traditional kinda...Nasa aesthetic,or something :D
Back east? I'd agree, the dressing up is a 'You have to to be taken seriously' kind of thing, but out here I think that that same style sends a different cultural signal than it does where we grew up.
"That said - I do get the party comment, cause if we weren't already friends, I could see myself thinking the same until we get to talking." Yeah, I don't blame you at all. I have to watch myself and the snap judgements I make of others.
Yea, we all make em because we kind of have to to navigate the world. But...sometimes they fail us. I think giving ourselves the space to be human, foibles and all, helps with that.
This is so real, thank you. I shrink myself to survive and people have not treated me any better so I really respect your approach to be yourself. And it's sad and true how people stereotype pretty women. And put them in boxes. Thanks for sharing your experience and I'm sorry.
"Bart Simpson in a woman's body" is the best visual, and I know exactly what you mean.
My friend and I talked about Shrinking before, but we described it as 'feeding the tigers'; you have to give them some offering of self-deprecation and keep their insecurities fed so they won't eat you alive.
yes! Feeding the tigers is a great analogy.
Gods, I relate to the Shrinking so much. For me, it's never shown up in femininity presentation - I mean, somewhat obviously, since I only really could /engage/ with it in the last decade and all, what with trans-ness - but I've always had other places I was - well, exceptional is a good word for it, indeed.
And you learn to hide that, because people don't like it, and it sucks.
But I /also/ relate to 2), since when I -did- transition, that was kind of when I decided I was done shrinking. And yea, it means a lot of people get ruffled feathers by me, but I let that wash off my back. I want to find my people, and that means sometimes finding people who aren't my people. That's okay.
That said - I do get the party comment, cause if we weren't already friends I could see myself thinking the same until we get to talking - but I think that too is because you learn that dress style often correlates with personality. The language I am used to being expressed in that more upscale style reminds me of like, the middle-upper class culture I grew up in, that in some ways the tech dressing down I feel is a rebellion against.
Like, oh - I think of it like the difference between New York & SF. New York is the land of finance and suits, high pressure Serious People (or at least it presents itself that way), while SF is the land of the scruffy nonconformist who is rough around the edges, but well-meaning and clever. Steampunk to New York's more traditional kinda...Nasa aesthetic,or something :D
Back east? I'd agree, the dressing up is a 'You have to to be taken seriously' kind of thing, but out here I think that that same style sends a different cultural signal than it does where we grew up.
Does that make any sense? Hopefully!
"That said - I do get the party comment, cause if we weren't already friends, I could see myself thinking the same until we get to talking." Yeah, I don't blame you at all. I have to watch myself and the snap judgements I make of others.
Yea, we all make em because we kind of have to to navigate the world. But...sometimes they fail us. I think giving ourselves the space to be human, foibles and all, helps with that.
This is so real, thank you. I shrink myself to survive and people have not treated me any better so I really respect your approach to be yourself. And it's sad and true how people stereotype pretty women. And put them in boxes. Thanks for sharing your experience and I'm sorry.