I don’t know about sabotage exactly. But when things are going well I often have a suspicious feeling like okay when does the other shoe drop? Or what am I missing? I’m trying to work on enjoying moments of happiness without grasping or looking for the downside.
I relate to this so much :( its truly an awful feeling. I noticed when on psychadelics i do kind of the same thing, worrying about the experience being over instead of just enjoying the ride. I think that's a microcosm of my life. Do you have anything thats helped you with this?
That’s a good question. One thing that comes to mind is the idea that emotions have a certain variance. If you don’t feel low lows you can’t feel high highs. So now that I think about it, in a sense, moments of joy are the prizes I’ve already paid for by allowing myself to feel sadness, longing, disappointment, etc.
And, maybe it’s okay to be aware of this variance. Just as it can help in moments of pain to remember moments of joy it isn’t necessarily bad in moments of joy to remember moments of pain. But I guess the work is to try to not fear those moments. To remember sadness without feeling overwhelmed by it or fear of it.
I feel you big time. That high standard thing feels very Virgoan, as well as that Hermit tendency to isolate when you feel that you haven’t lived up to said standards. That is definitely a pattern for me too.
I don't worry about self-sabotage. I would speculate the reason people not in crisis go is in crisis, as you note, you gotta do or die, so to speak.
Out of crisis you have the ability to recognize "That was pretty awful, I never wanna be there again, and oh Goddesses if I lose my job I could be fucked in under a year". And that comes from feeling insecure.
And, well, nobody but the ultra-wealthy feels secure these days. And I think that anxiety is what people are seeking out therapy for.
That, or unhealed trauma they finally have time to do work on instead of suppressing. Probably both
I don’t know about sabotage exactly. But when things are going well I often have a suspicious feeling like okay when does the other shoe drop? Or what am I missing? I’m trying to work on enjoying moments of happiness without grasping or looking for the downside.
I relate to this so much :( its truly an awful feeling. I noticed when on psychadelics i do kind of the same thing, worrying about the experience being over instead of just enjoying the ride. I think that's a microcosm of my life. Do you have anything thats helped you with this?
That’s a good question. One thing that comes to mind is the idea that emotions have a certain variance. If you don’t feel low lows you can’t feel high highs. So now that I think about it, in a sense, moments of joy are the prizes I’ve already paid for by allowing myself to feel sadness, longing, disappointment, etc.
And, maybe it’s okay to be aware of this variance. Just as it can help in moments of pain to remember moments of joy it isn’t necessarily bad in moments of joy to remember moments of pain. But I guess the work is to try to not fear those moments. To remember sadness without feeling overwhelmed by it or fear of it.
Also, therapy lol.
I feel you big time. That high standard thing feels very Virgoan, as well as that Hermit tendency to isolate when you feel that you haven’t lived up to said standards. That is definitely a pattern for me too.
♥️♥️♥️
I don't worry about self-sabotage. I would speculate the reason people not in crisis go is in crisis, as you note, you gotta do or die, so to speak.
Out of crisis you have the ability to recognize "That was pretty awful, I never wanna be there again, and oh Goddesses if I lose my job I could be fucked in under a year". And that comes from feeling insecure.
And, well, nobody but the ultra-wealthy feels secure these days. And I think that anxiety is what people are seeking out therapy for.
That, or unhealed trauma they finally have time to do work on instead of suppressing. Probably both
♥️♥️♥️
i self-sabotage in deleterious ways, usually sacrificing any long-term goods because i think i don't deserve them